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Thread: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

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    [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    So anyway, I would like to first state that I hate Dave Price. He's a big ol' sack of jerkface. Camping was the shittiest idea this weekend (which included a whole bunch of shitty ideas/decks). Anyway, on to the tournament report.

    Round 1: Greg (Nantuko Shady) playing Solidarity
    Game 1: You know, this whole match was ridiculous. I beat the ever loving shit out of him.
    Game 2: Look at Machinus' picture. That's me. God, I'm so amazing at magic.

    Round 2: Eric Darland (Sexy Rector) playing Truffle Shuffle
    Game 1: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. God, I'm so fucking unbelievably awesome at magic. Dear Jesus, do I beat the shit out of him game 1. He tries to do shit and I don't care, blah, blah, blah.
    Game 2: It was SICK. I lose ALL of my High Tides on a weird draw and proceed to go ULTRA late game. I combo him out with JUST a Turnabout as my untap effect and I still have to go through Gaea's Blessing. Damn, I'm fucking awesome at magic.

    Round 3: Jesse Hatfield playing Threshold
    Game 1: Goddammit. I hate Jesse Hatfield. Seriously, I fucking hate Jesse Hatfield. That bastard ALWAYS fucking beats me at the frog. Every goddamn week. Anyway, I win this game. It was pretty savage. His draws were shit.
    Game 2: I don't get past 2 mana this game. I remand his turn 4 Werebear, he dazes then replays Tropical Island to play Nimble Mongoose. Fuck you.
    Game 3: I couldn't actually win this game. God, I hate Jesse Hatfield.

    Round 4: Chris Pioth playing 43 Land
    Game 1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH. Goddamn, I'm fucking amazing at magic. He draws 3 ports. Eh, it's kind of relevant? Nah, I'm just kidding.
    Game 2: He draws 3 ports and 2 Pyroblasts. Irony. Pyroblast + Manabond = not a combo. Heh.

    Round 5: Hanni playing U/W/B Fish
    Game 1: He gets mana-flooded and I combo him out with ease. He also doesn't know how to play this matchup.
    Game 2: While shuffling he presents his deck, I cut, and he's just about to draw his hand. Then, he notices that he forgot to shuffle back in a Force, says, "Oh, I forgot to shuffle this back in," and really quickly shuffles it back in and then presents again. That was really shady man. If you hadn't been so incredibly quick to shuffle it back in again, I don't think I would have called the judge so quickly. I've had people do that to me and then argue that they didn't when the judge came over. Nothing personal man, but that was definitely shady.

    Round 6: Kenneth Mclaughlin playing Goblin with Bolt
    Game 1: He keeps a 1 land hand with double Fanatic as his only playable drops. I beat the ever loving shit out of him.
    Game 2: He keeps a 1 land hand with Lackey as his only out. I Hydroblast Lackey. God, I'm awesome at magic.

    Round 7: Glenn playing MUC
    I intentional draw with Glenn, but make sure that he knows how incredibly terrible his matchup against me is. :) Damn, I'm so fucking awesome.

    Top 8
    GLENN ANDERSON PLAYING MONO BLUE CONTROL
    Game 1: I almost shit myself at one of the two easiest matchups in top 8. He tries to do relevant stuff and I laugh in his face and deck him. In this game I have 8 lands and go off just because I feel like it. I've peeked at his hand before and the only "relevant" cards are mana leak, force spike, and a single counterspell. He lets High Tide resolve and then attempts to double mana leak, force spike my Reset that still had 10 mana floating. Lolz.
    Game 2: Wow, relevant stuff galore? God, I beat the everloving shit out of him again.


    Top 4
    Jesse Hatfield playing Threshold
    Game 1: GODDAMMIT. GODDAMMIT. GODDAMMIT. I FUCKING HATE JESSE HATFIELD. Anyway, I get over my intense desire to pull a Jack Elgin at getting paired up with this asshole again, and manage to sit down to play Game 1. Anyway, the game progresses to me being at 4 and him having a tapped Werebear and 5 lands in play. His hand is Force, Counterspell, Pithing Needle and the card he's drawn for his turn. My hand is High Tide, Reset, Turnabout, Meditate, Brain Freeze, and Twincast. I can win. So, I play High Tide. He says it resolves. Now, I have to do the next cards in the right order but I have to think to make sure. So, I play Turnabout. Like most magic players, I like to flick the corners of my cards on important plays and I just lay down Turnabout as I think of the order of the next two cards. I put my finger in the "I'm Thinking" position but Jesse misinterprets it to mean I'm targeting him. Jesse says, "Me?" and I see the judge nod out of the corner of my eye. Before I can say anything, Jesse taps his land and floats mana. I'm fucked now. My finger could be interpreted to meaning I target him. Jesse has given me advance information about what would happen should I target him. I feel railroaded and don't know how to get out of the situation. It's going to look extremely shady if I argue otherwise, and I think that the judge agrees with him. So, with the complete and full knowledge that I cannot win this game anymore, I go ahead and say, "I guess it targets you." Fucking shit. I lose as I know exactly what's about to happen.
    Game 2: His draws were pretty poor and mine were pretty solid. I still am really pissed about how he was able to target MY spell, but I am trying to get over it.
    Game 3: I again have no outs. What a load of shit. Also, Jesse Hatfield is a big ol' sack of jerkface. That is all.

    Anyway, Day 2 was bad times and I drop but have a great time hanging out with Ta Jugs, Eric Darland (Sexy Rector), George Whitaker, and Lee Sears.

    Slops
    - Calosso for being a douchebag
    - Dave Price for being retarded
    - Machinus for not knowing that he could've fucked Calosso out of the top 8
    - Jesse Hatfield for all of the above reasons
    - Camping in the rain
    - A poorly planned trip down
    - Anusien for playing bad decks and then claiming he sucked was the reason for his poor placement
    - Brandon (Parallax) for losing to 43 land. That is quite possibly the awesomeEST bye for Solidarity
    - Brandon (Parallax) for losing to Anusien


    More Slops (x2)
    - Calosso for being a douchebag
    - Dave Price for being retarded
    - Machinus for not knowing that he could've fucked Calosso out of the top 8
    - Jesse Hatfield for all of the above reasons
    - Camping in the rain
    - A poorly planned trip down
    - Anusien for playing bad decks and then claiming he sucked was the reason for his poor placement
    - Brandon (Parallax) for losing to 43 land. That is quite possibly the awesomeEST bye for Solidarity
    - Brandon (Parallax) for losing to Anusien


    Props
    - Machinus for his top 2 Split
    - Jon (Mr. Nipples) for his top 2 split
    - Calosso would never get props from me. He can burn in hell.
    - Jesse Hatfield can also burn in hell. However, that's only because he beat me. He's an ok guy when he's not beating me.
    - Eric Darland for swearing to never play a Jack Elgin deck again
    - Me, for being amazing at magic



    On the topic of Calosso.
    Calosso is easily one of the worst players I have ever seen play magic. I am truly astounded by the depth and severity of his misplays and yet occassionally, his opponents give him the win anyway. The reasons behind this are truly obscure and I fucking hate him when he brags about his undeserved wins. Dear Jesus, what a fucking douchebag. Also, you never want to meet him. If you think his online persona is irritating, it's even worse in real life. I know that many of you are kind of confused about how vitriolic we are towards him, but after meeting him, I know that at least SOME of you are now aware of how incredibly retarded he is. Seriously, he's fucking retarded.
    Last edited by Deep6er; 10-10-2006 at 05:54 PM. Reason: I fixed the grammatical error.
    For the foreseeable future, expect to see less of me. I've lost my internet connection, and so I'll only be able to get on by siphoning free Wi-Fi from the surrounding areas. Which isn't always consistent.

    Plus, the guy that I used to leech off of has now instituted password protection. This means that I effectively do not have internet at home. :(

  2. #2
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    Re: I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    I laughed through this report.

    You are the most arrogant person I have ever met, but your damn good at it.
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    Re: I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    I enjoyed this report. I'm still laughing.

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    Re: I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    I lol'd. You are perhaps the person I want to play against most, if only so I could get extreme hate in the slops section like Hatfield. I have to make it to an east coast tournament sometime.
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    Re: I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Dave Gearhart is so good at Magic!! I wish I was him FYI! I wish I was him.. THIS MUCH!!!!!!!! (arm flails) Anyways, congrats on the super finish on day 1. You did an excellent job respresenting the Mono Blue Unicorn Storm deck. Just remember that I felt bad for you and that's why I lost. Now we are even and at the next tournament we shall settle our grudge match. Word to Dave Gearhart!


    P.S.= We never had that meeting with Mr. Tire Iron outside of the restaurant Dave!
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    Re: I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    It's a good thing for you that I was at a cribbage tournament this weekend. I still almost beat you.

    My cribbage report is in the works, watch out.

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Just so you know it was Jesse Hatfield's suggestion to go camping, I didn't come up with the idea. And camping was great sunday night when it wasn't raining. I can't control the rain.

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by quicksilver View Post
    Just so you know it was Jesse Hatfield's suggestion to go camping, I didn't come up with the idea. And camping was great sunday night when it wasn't raining. I can't control the rain.
    Yes you can you big ol' sack of jerkface. That's why you made it so miserable the night I was there. Jerkface.
    For the foreseeable future, expect to see less of me. I've lost my internet connection, and so I'll only be able to get on by siphoning free Wi-Fi from the surrounding areas. Which isn't always consistent.

    Plus, the guy that I used to leech off of has now instituted password protection. This means that I effectively do not have internet at home. :(

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deep6er View Post
    Yes you can you big ol' sack of jerkface. That's why you made it so miserable the night I was there. Jerkface.
    Oh I can't lie anymore. I did make it rain, just cause I hate you so much gearhart, I was like "What can I do to piss gearhart off; I got it! I'll make it rain on his ass that should really piss him off!"

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    I love how Anusien told Dave "I'm not bad at Legacy, I'm bad at Magic."
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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Umm..

    Very cute dude.<4
    Nice report. lol

    O and the blind predict Paul Lynch did against you.... HAHAHAHAHA (this was day 2 round one) ask about it. Way to funny.

    O and sorry bout that Paul has the luck of the Irish on his side.

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Meatballsinpasta View Post
    Umm..

    Very cute dude.<4
    Nice report. lol

    O and the blind predict Paul Lynch did against you.... HAHAHAHAHA (this was day 2 round one) ask about it. Way to funny.

    O and sorry bout that Paul has the luck of the Irish on his side.

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by quicksilver View Post
    Oh I can't lie anymore. I did make it rain, just cause I hate you so much gearhart, I was like "What can I do to piss gearhart off; I got it! I'll make it rain on his ass that should really piss him off!"
    I won't lie, Dave Price sure knows how to control the flow of liquids!
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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    While shuffling he presents his deck, I cut, and he's just about to draw his hand. Then, he notices that he forgot to shuffle back in a Force, says, "Oh, I forgot to shuffle this back in," and really quickly shuffles it back in and then presents again. That was really shady man. If you hadn't been so incredibly quick to shuffle it back in again, I don't think I would have called the judge so quickly. I've had people do that to me and then argue that they didn't when the judge came over. Nothing personal man, but that was definitely shady.
    I don't think you calling a judge over was shady because rules are rules, but how was I being shady? I didn't quick shuffle, I put it on the bottom of my deck AFTER I told you that I had forgotten to put it back in. I'm not upset about you calling a judge but I don't see how in the hell I was being shady.

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    Re: I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Whit3 Ghost View Post
    You are the most arrogant person I have ever met, but your damn good at it.
    ....


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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Congrats on your performance! Eventually, we will get to play each other...ideally with some duals on the line.

    Regarding the top 8 - all I can say is that I was down a game and I couldn't afford to think about anything else. Yes, if I had known I didn't have to risk losing game three, I would have IDed in a second. (So it wouldn't have been to screw over Calosso. He gave me pizza day 1! But I paid him back pretty well day 2.) A very small reminder of the situation would have caused me to consider drawing in between games two and three, but nothing got my attention. Judging from everyone's reaction to Calosso's making the cut (and his incredddible luck in top4), I really think someone could have got my attention easily and without doing anything shady. I was aware of the mood in the tournament center during the top8, and I would have been even more sensitive to information guaranteeing me a spot.

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Deep6er View Post
    On the topic of Calosso.
    Calosso is easily one of the worst players I have ever seen play magic. I am truly astounded by the depth and severity of his misplays and yet occassionally, his opponents give him the win anyway. The reasons behind this are truly obscure and I fucking hate him when he brags about his undeserved wins. Dear Jesus, what a fucking douchebag. Also, you never want to meet him. If you think his online persona is irritating, it's even worse in real life. I know that many of you are kind of confused about how vitriolic we are towards him, but after meeting him, I know that at least SOME of you are now aware of how incredibly retarded he is. Seriously, he's fucking retarded.
    Hmmm, I don't think you've said this to me yet. It's funny. He's retarded. I'll give you my reason for him being retarded later. But, yeah, he's a douche. I give a 10/10 on this last part of the report. It's completely accurate. By the way, I love some of your word choices.

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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanni View Post
    I don't think you calling a judge over was shady because rules are rules, but how was I being shady? I didn't quick shuffle, I put it on the bottom of my deck AFTER I told you that I had forgotten to put it back in. I'm not upset about you calling a judge but I don't see how in the hell I was being shady.
    Hanni, I know this was your first tournament, but you've got to careful of accidents like that. As Deep6er said, it was shady because most people would look up and go, "Oh, shit. What do you want to do?" In which case, most people would just tell you to reshuffle. You, on the other hand, tried to just act like it wasn't a big deal, didn't happen, nothing to see here, these are not the cards you're looking for, which was Deep6er's concern because you can easily tell the Judge, "What accident? What card? I don't know what's he's talking about."

    Just mind your P's and Q's, y'know?
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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    You really should have appealed. Anytime you think a judge ruled incorrectly, you have the right to appeal to the HJ. That's never going to stand up on appeal, and just because he "resolved it" doesn't mean that it forces you into anything.
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    Re: [Report] I AM THE ... dammit, I hate you Jesse.

    Quote Originally Posted by URABAHN View Post
    Yes, go Team Baltimore! Crabcakes FTW! Bring some next time.
    Sure tell me who you are and what event, and i promise ill bring the best crab cakes ever! =]
    Top 8ed at 2 GP trial's, top 8ed at like a million Jss thingy's (won one), top 8ed at limited Champs, and top 8ed at Duel 4 duels. (Still Gots a ways 2 go)

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